Book Review of 'A Matter of Death and Life: Love Loss and What Matters in the End' by Irvin & Marilyn Yalom
“The more fully you live your life the less tragic is your death”
Irvin D.Yalom.
A part of getting older might be forgetting small things, big things, anything basically, and knowing that the loss of memory is a loss of the past and a death in itself. This is something that author Irvin D. Yalom muses over in his latest book with his co-author and wife Marilyn Yalom. Getting older brings a whole new perspective to reality, illness, time, love, and death. Both husband and wife write consecutive chapters, intimately exploring their feelings about Marilyn's life-limiting cancer diagnoses, her treatment, getting older, and what that personally looks like for them. How do you face the prospect of the death of your life partner who you still love very much and face your own mortality? The theme occurring throughout the book is the dance between Irvin and Marilyn’s' feelings about her impending death. Irvin is grieving the loss of Marilyn before she has died and what it means to be the one left behind. Knowing she does not have long to live, she plans what to do with her belongings, her many books, how to say goodbye to family and friends. In doing so she takes stock of what's important to her at the end of her life, what gives her joy, and what can she achieve in between treatment and living.
Marilyn comes across as someone who has always known her own mind, how she wanted to live and now how she wants to die. Marilyn loves Irvin deeply but at 87 years old she is happy with the life she has led and there is a real sense that she is letting go of it, feeling enriched by what she has achieved, the legacy of love that she leaves behind with her husband, her family, and her friends.
There can be cleanliness in dying at a later age if we are satisfied that we have lived a good, long life, with meaningful connections and relationships. After Marilyn's death, Irvin navigates the huge loss of his soulmate, and his wife for 65 years. It's a profound insight into the intensity of grief and how it presents itself over time. This book is a beautiful and courageous account of love, life, and loss, and how Marilyn lived and died; bravely, brightly, and calling the shots to the end. A good life and a good death.